If you've read before, feel free to read again
by Pete Cunningham
*As printed November 28, 2007 in The Homer Index  

Santa Claus is coming to town. Jolly ole St. Nick is in Homer today (Wednesday), Litchfield on Saturday and hitting the streets and malls worldwide from now until the end of the holiday season.

The annual arrival of Kris Kringle is not only a joyous time for young ones, but also for some parents who, for at least one more year, can enjoy a night where they don’t have to fight with their children over bedtimes. Couple this with the fact that the mention of Santa transforms tantrums into silence in mere milliseconds, and it’s understandable why reinforcing a belief in a fat man delivering presents to well-behaved children worldwide is in the best interest of most moms and dads.

For others, however, it will be a grim holiday season because they will be faced with a daunting task. They will have to tell their kids … that Santa does not exist.

When is the right time to tell your kids that there is no Santa? As should be gathered from the opening bit of this article, I’m a firm believer that anyone reading and comprehending my editorials should be told that reindeer make for better entrees than pilots. If little Johnny looks forward to my musings when he rolls out of bed on Wednesdays, then he probably shouldn’t be looking for sleigh marks in the snow when he does the same on Christmas morning.

A quick scan of my columns revealed that I’ve referred to a world leader’s opinion on homosexuality, the viability of teenagers chugging cough syrup to become inebriated and a stripper having an affair with a former first lady. If you were ok with your child reading about any of those topics, I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re fine with me admitting in this column that Christmas toys come from China rather than the North Pole.

I’m not here to claim I know how to parent nor suggest how any of you should. My prerogative is rooted in the years I spent as the uninformed. I personally know the damage that hanging on for too long can do to a child.

My brother and I were among the last students in our respective classes to cling to the illusion of the magical icon. We were nearly to the age where we understood how unacceptable the elves’ working conditions were before we inquired as to their actual existence. There’s another hint - if your child thinks Santa’s helpers should form a union, it’s time to shed some light on the situation.

Our parents decided - rather than telling us the truth once we reached the age of suspicion - it would be fun to edit a home video that appeared to capture Santa delivering presents. The aforementioned video featured the big guy putting goodies beneath our tree, noticing the camera, and subsequently vanishing into thin air while the stack of presents magically grew before the all-telling lens.

Their clever manipulation of the pause button fooled us well past the age of acceptable Santa belief and dipped into when it was flat-out pathetic to harbor such convictions. I still have flashbacks of bringing that tape into show-and-tell (the grade shall remain nameless), and the intense ridicule that followed.

I don’t envy the position of anyone who has to remove the “Santa is watching” bomb from their parenting arsenal, and realize it’s hard to know when exactly to tell kids the truth. Just promise me this, if on your way to the mall this winter, a high-pitched voice from the back seat asks for page four of The Index instead of how many seconds it will be until they’re on Santa’s lap, save yourself the wait in line, and have a little chat about Mr. Claus.