Freedom of speech helps shut people up
by Pete Cunningham
*As printed October 3, 2007 in The Homer Index

Last week, some people were appalled by the fact that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was allowed to speak at Columbia University, and protested the forum in which the school allowed him to express his views. What protestors failed to realize, however, is that Columbia was one step ahead of them in the fight to make Ahmadinejad and his supporters shut up. They just took a different approach.

Rather than suppressing his views by not offering a venue, the university effectively drew support away from his cause by doing the exact opposite, by letting him speak.

I went on CSPAN’s website to see him exercise this right to free speech, not because I thought he “deserved” it, because I was eager to hear how he handled it. I listened to enough Ahmadinejad clips to give federal agents every right to knock down my door and taze me at will. In committing this act of high treason, I learned much about the man. He’s charismatic, well-spoken, well-educated and a complete and total moron.

At times I found myself agreeing with his arguments, then he’d say something like “so-called Holocaust” making every point he made up until then completely moot. It reminded me of a time I was really appreciating the awesomeness of “Top Gun,” but immediately turned off the TV when I remembered that Tom Cruise was a Scientologist. Further proof that an act of pure idiocy can easily overshadow any sign of brilliance.

Those who agree with Ahmadinejad on Palestinian rights, international trade and nuclear capabilities should have been the ones protesting. Any sort of valid point the man makes for any of these issues is completely negated by the fact that he refuses to recognize the well-documented extermination of 6 million Jews. Protestors opposed to his opinions should have been rolling out the red carpet for him to speak, so others could determine firsthand that his reputation is no exaggeration; the man truly is an idiot.

Finding yourself on the same side of an argument with Ahmadinejad is about as hopeless as trying to make fun of someone who made out with your sister. They hold the ultimate trump card in any war of insults. Imagine engaging in the following exchange:

Person A: I am stronger, smarter, faster, and better looking than you.

Person B: I made out with your sister.

Advantage: B.

The same applies to any argument Ahmadinejad makes. The man could proclaim that the sky is blue and people would question the statement’s validity after hearing him claim that the “phenomenon” of homosexuality doesn’t exist in Iran, or that the abused and neglected women of his country enjoy the same rights as men.

Outside of Columbia, some who were in favor of hearing him speak held signs that read, “Ahmadinejad: not as bad as Bush.” I am far from a Bush supporter, but I sincerely hope said hippie took the time between bong hits to actually listen to Ahmadinejad speak. Even unwashed dreadlocks and a secondhand tie-dyed T-shirt couldn’t have kept someone from realizing that until George W. appoints MC Hammer as the secretary of the treasury, we’re better off than the Iranians under Ahmadinejad’s guidance.

If some protestors had gotten their way, the tree hugger and I would have had to base our judgments on selective media clips or rants from people like my crazy cousin, neither of which are very reliable sources of unbiased information for completely opposite reasons.

Lucky for us, this is the land where people are free to stand on a podium (or write a weekly column) where they can express idiotic opinions and experience the backlash that goes along with them. Welcome to America Mr. Ahmadinejad, where the “free” speech can sometimes end up costing you ... and stay away from my sister.