The word cheater has once again reared its ugly head in the world of professional sports, only this time it is not a ‘roided up player whose chest has been marked with the scarlet C. New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick was caught two weeks ago taping the sidelines of the opposing bench trying to steal defensive signals, and may as well have traded his cutoff hoodie for an old Rod Smart (Google it) jersey in the process.

I’m not going to waste valuable column space explaining why sticking a needle in your body for bigger muscles is different than studying film. I’m assuming everyone’s on board with me on that one, and am going to save the sarcastic hyperbole for the other more contested points, like the fact that I don’t think he’s a cheater at all, he’s an innovator.

Belichick is like the kids who brought voice recorders to lectures in college. Said students would feverishly take notes - tape in one hand, pen in the other - then compare them with their recordings. The notes were then checked against preprinted slides from the professor’s website, clarified by notes from the readings, and studied along with 10 years worth of old tests found in some registrar’s dungeon. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, this was an unnecessary practice that added an extra percent to already curve-setting scores.

But they lived for that percent. They died for that percent. They had takeout delivered to the library at 3 a.m. for that percent. They never saw the inside of a club, bar or girl’s dorm room, all for that measly one percent.

A lot of people in my classes would call these guys losers or nerds. I called them when I needed help on an assignment. In a few years, you know what we’re all going to call them? Doctor.

Belichick is like one of these students mixed with Rainman on a Ritalin bender. If he possesses the brain capacity to put in the extra work of taping another team’s sidelines, interpreting/memorizing their calls and making decisions based on his knowledge gained, more power to him.

Video-taping another sideline and obsessing over the other team’s game plan is an act of pure lunacy. Do you realize the extra studying, obsessing and over-thinking that would go into making any of these “spying” efforts come to fruition? It makes recording college lectures seem like pushing the M to make the cow say “moooo.” The fact that this man wants to add hours of studying every head-bob and belt-tap to his already full agenda will no doubt take valuable years off of his life. Maybe it’s more like steroids than I thought?

To look at it from a black and white perspective, taping coaches is prohibited in the rulebook, so, he’s a cheater. Speaking of black and white, the former used to not be allowed to play according to that rulebook. Just last year, getting the home crowd loud enough to distract the opposition was against the rules, too. I can’t imagine a world where my favorite black receivers aren’t allowed to raise the roof, but, according to this rulebook, both elements were once considered “cheating.”

Anyone who tried a forward pass used to be considered a cheater. That was until Theodore Roosevelt decided to allow it because too many people were dying in the old smash-mouth form of football. The NFL better not look to George W. Bush to solve this problem. The president has made it very clear where he stands on the subject of surveillance in the aptly named P.A.T.R.I.O.T Act. If fired, Belichick could easily find a job in the department of homeland security.

Jokes aside, Bellichick has not added anything sinister to the game, nor has he taken anything away from its so-called purity. He has merely introduced another element of intellect into our nation’s most beloved sport, which will soon join microphones in helmets and instant replay as the latest step in an ever-evolving game.