I have officially lost all respect for you. This certainly did not happen overnight. Having spent most of my childhood summers across the street from MIS, I have long despised the fact that three weekends a year I have to stay off the highways and beer aisles in the grocery store, but I have dealt with it. I have even come to grips with the fact that ESPN has taken coverage away from my beloved baseball and football to tell me who got in the fastest car and turned left a couple hundred times.

I have heard countless sports writers claim that they understand the coverage of NASCAR because “it has a larger growing fan base than any other sport,” which I now can say is nothing short of an irresponsible use of the word.

I don’t see how this is a valid explanation as to why I have to tear 10 pages out of my Sports Illustrated every week. Oprah has one of the strongest fan bases in the world, but I don’t have to watch a ribbon cutting ceremony on Sportscenter every time she builds a school in Africa. By the same token, I should not be bothered with news on what car Dale Earnhardt Junior is going to be driving next year because, just like philanthropy, having a lot of fans does not make driving a fast car in circles any more of a sport. This weekend clarified that even further.

On Sunday the gods blessed everyone passed out on the infield of MIS with a much-needed free shower, and in the process soaked the track, hence, the race was postponed…until Tuesday! After having paid $125 to camp for the weekend, $55-$110 on tickets, double that in gas and triple that in checkered flag tube tops, the fans were told they could stay for two work days or go home, and they did so free of turmoil.

They didn’t demand a refund or the drivers’ heads on skewers. They didn’t pelt the track with beer bottles and, worst of all, they didn’t riot.

It may seem odd that I find self-control and restraint as deplorable behavior, so allow me to explain myself. The mark of a true sport is not athletic precision, nor is it competitive physical activity. Rather, it is irrational fan behavior in the face of anything out of the ordinary.

If there’s a blizzard during a football game, hit the star receiver with an ice ball. If your team wins a national championship, turn over your car and set it ablaze. World Cup upsets mean mob-style protests, Super Bowl triumphs equal tear gas tirades, and a World Series game means cops in riotgear. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s how the sports world works, and that’s how I like it. I certainly will not allow NASCAR of all things to change this.

NASCAR had a chance to prove me wrong. They had a chance to fill at least one of my sports criteria, and every right to do so, but they blew it. I was really looking forward to a good old-fashioned sports-fueled riot, and lets be honest, who would riot better than a NASCAR crowd?

So feel free to hang your car-shaped tiki lights on the back of your pickups NASCAR fans, but until you’re ready to turn that truck on end at the slightest sign of adversity, stay away from my sports sections. I never thought I’d say this, but you guys are just too civil for my liking.