The web's casualty list continues to grow
by Pete Cunningham
*As printed August 15, 2007 in The Homer Index

The world as we know it is an ever evolving place. Digital cameras, satellite television and cellular phones are everyday reminders that the human race and the technology that define us are very much a dynamic entity. More so than any other “device,” with the exception of the printing press, the Internet has changed the world’s landscape in ways never thought imaginable.

This has been a welcomed evolution for the most part. Industries have risen and continue to grow because of the speed and convenience of the Internet. But what of the industries that have been or are soon to be ruined by the World Wide Web? Do we fully understand the repercussions of our www.world yet? Here are a few that may soon sit atop the net’s casualty list:

Beauty pageants - The backbone of Miss America competitions is beautiful women who in some way want recognition for their superiority. Combine that vanity with a couple appletinis and a digital camera, and many pageant members will forfeit their dreams of every child in the world hugging a puppy for dancing half-naked in the nearest fountain (see: Ms. Kentucky/U.S.A. ‘06, and Ms. Nevada ‘07.) Once Ms. beauty queen dumps her boyfriend to save starving children in Africa, count on such photos floating across the Internet faster than her heels in said fountain, while her’s and the pageant’s reputation sink to the bottom.

Class reunions - Thanks to Facebook, MySpace, and other such social networking systems, the mystery and allure of the class reunion is completely awash. Men used to travel across time and space to rub it in the face of their overweight, failed singer/songwriter ex-girlfriend that while the football star she had chosen was busy rehashing “Homecoming ‘88”, they were busy talking about the comic-book business she said was stupid that had just gone public at $300 a share. Because of the Internet, such triumphant moments occur daily in the victorious party’s absence without so much as an “in your face” icon donning the computer screen. Such individuals can take solace in the fact that these exes cry themselves to sleep on occasion, but aren’t going to pay $500 to eat dinner at a high school gym to see them do it in person.

The music industry - Customers are no longer trapped into buying $19 CDs to listen to one popular track and 14 other “artistic experiments,” complete with a monkey playing a tambourine. With Limewire and other downloading sites, fans can simply download tracks they want for zero dollars, zero cents and zero poems the band wrote to their fish named Bubbles.

Instead of being gazillionaires, the Internet has made it so music moguls will likely be lowly billionaires. The industry is currently being forced to adapt by offering posters, DVD specials, coupons and lower prices to coax customers into actually buying albums. I’m confident that this will eventually degenerate into a cut-throat competition that will lead to musicians wandering the country hawking CDs out of the back of Volkswagen busses for $2 or a can of soup. I must admit that there is a slight satisfaction at the thought of P. Diddy having to slum it by flying first class and sipping on generic champagne instead of traveling in his own diamond encrusted lear jet complete with Cristal fountains. “Take that” Puff.

The newspaper industry - Why would you pay to get pounds of chicken-coop liner sent to clutter up your doorstep every morning when it takes approximately 17 seconds to get online and browse through every section’s headlines without having to worry about messing up the fold…I mean...we accept cash or checks for subscriptions. Please send your order to The Homer Index, P.O. Box 236, Homer, MI 49245.