When parents parent, coaches can coach
by Pete Cunningham
*As printed October 17, 2007 in The Homer Index 

Have you ever been dehydrated? You get sick. You throw up. You cramp up. You feel like you’re going to pass out. You get head, body, stomach, and tooth aches until God eventually blesses you with the opportunity to pass out.

A couple of parents from Saline are now claiming that among these symptoms is the ability to partake in uncontrollable tirades and have no recollection of such afterward. According to these parents, when their child dropped multiple f-bombs toward coaches at a football practice - then later denied the incident - it was because he needed a drink.

According to the parents, when he told the coaches that his parents would “sue the hell out of them” it wasn’t because he hadn’t been taught to respect his coaches’ authority, rather, it was because he was a couple of Gatorades short of a jug. When the coaches kicked this player off the team, the parents were of course upset because their son wasn’t in the wrong. He was just a little thirsty.

Based on my personal understanding of dehydration, this is a hard pill to swallow, and not because I need a drink to wash it down. When one reaches the point of extreme dehydration, the only difference between the athlete and a fly that hits a windshield is that the fly is fortunate enough to be afforded the luxury of death. I cannot fathom how at this point someone could conclude that an innate desire to swear at members of authority would suddenly be unearthed, nor do I care to.

These parents got a superintendent to buy into this idea. She had the student reinstated to the team and consequently the coaches quit, the freshman football season was cancelled, and the superintendent has been put on paid leave. Now, an entire team of ninth graders will be denied their final games of the season while a superintendent gets paid not to work, and no repercussions are brought upon the parents. Where’s the fairness in that?

This is all too familiar territory for this family. They were actually sued by the district in 2004 in an effort to ban them from wrestling meets because their behavior was detrimental to the athletes. As for the player, his teammates claimed that the incident occurred directly after a water break and he had communicated to them that he wasn’t going to partake in conditioning during the break. Sounds to me like this kid wouldn’t have been able to fit another drop of water in him regardless of the circumstance. He was already way past capacity on something else.

On behalf of every sports fan in the state, I would like to request that these parents be put on a leave as well. I would honestly contribute money toward an effort to prevent them from ever ruining another sporting event in the state of Michigan. Action was taken toward the superintendent because she had a track record of making poor decisions for the district. Why can the same not be done for these irresponsible parents, who have a similarly horrendous history of misbehavior at sporting events?

Their parenting licenses should be revoked and they should have to jump through hoops and bend over backwards to regain these rights. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of water available, so as to avoid any incidents.

When I read about the story I felt nauseous, and after downing a couple cups of Dasani I still felt a desire to spout off uncontrollably. Instead, I thought of the wise words once told to me by a friend. This friend’s father coached her and her brother’s youth basketball teams and consequently faced his fair share of unruly players and parents. His message to them was always the same, “players play, coaches coach, and parents sit in the stands and cheer. So, what’s it gonna be?”

Somewhere along the line these parents forgot to do their jobs and, as a result, the players and coaches can’t do theirs. That is nothing short of tragic.